Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in chaosreality's LiveJournal:

Monday, December 31st, 2007
8:00 pm	shit hell damn balls crap ass fuck fuck fuck, happy new year! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 23rd, 2007
4:51 pm	Not sure if it's stress or not. Not sleeping well, very moody, hating life and pissed off at most of it most of the time...but for no reason. Let me clarify that, nothing sets me off and makes me mad, I just am. For those who know, I have a new living situation in my household, my girls best friend and her 2 boys. I don't think the interruption in my routine is helping my moods. Just really starting to develop a real "fuck it" attitude. My girl will complain and my response is just "Shut up and deal with it I have to". That normally is not me,I am pretty caring and understanding but seriously, if I'm not bitching and complaining no one else should, after all it is my house. I hate only having rants on my posts but I am seriously going bat shit. No time for just me, no quiet, totally fucked up routine....enough that I would rather be at work, working long hours on the holidays than be home. shit. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 28th, 2007
5:01 pm	cool. I just this afternoon got 2 job offers. 1 is in Seattle (way out of town, would have to relocate) the other is in town. Why now? My resume has been posted for weeks (and I called for the one here in town and he told me there was nothing available) and now I will have to choose. Seems like and easy choice...but it is not. Going to go into the interviews with some confidence..( they called on me after all) and not rule out moving to the North. AHHHHGGG...why! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
12:14 am	I need help. Cannot find a good name for my newest edition, an all black, green eyed small cat. He is a very affectionate kitty with great personality. We currently have have 2 other cats and there names are themed after motorcycles or racers ( Gixxer and Rossi)and they are siamese. Misfit and Ebony are some of her suggestions (not mine) and I was thinking Ducati, Agusta or Hayden to keep it in the same motorcycle theme. I would like some input on your thoughts and suggestions for names. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 9th, 2007
11:09 am	I don't know what is the matter with me. I hate my new job so much that the thought of going is making me Physically ill. My old boss called and offered me my old job back. Not going to take it. Too much driving and too much money in gas. I had to take Thursday off because both of my knees and my shoulder were so swollen and painful that I really could not walk. I need to find a new job. Have looked in the want ads and just called on a job as a machinist. Starting pay is just under $20 an hour.( a big improvement over the $9.00 I make at the plastic factory). Tonight is going to be my last night on this job. I have an interview for the machining position on Monday, and even if I don't get that, I am going to the temp service that hired me for the plastics place and get reassigned. Again, it really sucks getting old enough that the abuse you put you body through on a daily basis now has to be a factor in what you do in life. It was a very hard moment for me, when the realization came that I am not only not that young anymore, but everything I do Physically, from now on, for good or bad, has serious consequences. Really for the first time in my life, I have been physically unable to do something. It almost brought me to tears of frustration. The job sucks, that is a reason to get a new one, not because it is too demanding. But the real reason I am leaving is BECAUSE it is too demanding. That really sucks and it hurts just to give up, but I am. Better in the long run for my mental health I'm sure. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 6th, 2007
7:00 am	work So, I got a new job at a plastics factory. Holy shit it is hard work. I have not had a job this physical since I was 21. They put me on the biggest machine in the plant. To unload it you have to climb on this 5 foot scaffolding and then onto the arm of the machine. Bending, climbing, lifting, carrying, pulling, pushing, turning, twisting. Most people couldn't wait to get off of work because they had things to do, I just wanted to get home and get some icee-hot. It really sucks getting old. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
9:03 am	WOW!!! Just got off an almost 2 week long illness....just to show up to work in time to be laid off!! Well....isnt that just a bitch! (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 13th, 2007
5:57 am	Birthday went off with a fizzle, I was sick as a dog. Watched a movie, ate some dinner, and went to bed (not the good kind either). To my disappointment, as well as others, I canceled the game last night. I just could not sit and/or concentrate long enough for a game to take place. This really sucks for 2 reasons: 1) I could not spend time with some of my favorite people in the world. 2)It was my birthday and that is what I wanted to do with it. Then, to top it off, my girl gets frustrated with me and says that "I had a surprise planned for you and now we cant even do that". My reply is that, had I been feeling better I would have had a game tonight. I thought, because she has a dinner planned for Sunday, that friday was mine to do with as I pleased...wrong. I guess it is just as well that I was not feeling well as that would have caused a major fight with me going to my weekly (as in scheduled)game. Oh well....HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY anyway.1 year closer to my own death. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 8th, 2007
7:38 pm	birthday Just wanted to wish my man Miller a happy 30! And also lament that several days later (Jan 12th) I will also have birthday....34. Fucking 34. Getting older and fatter by the day. My birthday will mark the day that I will only get older from now on, not fatter. You see, I am going to get into shape. Really good shape. I have not decided yet, but have been kicking around the idea of joining the Army (cutoff is 35). Now I know what most people are saying, dont do that, you'll get hurt, your too old. Maybe. I really don't have a whole lot of family left alive, and it is something i've always wanted to do, just never done. I'm a hell of a good shot and if my going in keeps some younger guy or girl with their whole lives ahead of them, here in the states, then its worth it. If I do go, I want to go to Iraq. I have a friend who was in the reserves, 2 kids and over 30 himself. When he got called up to leave, it struck a cord with me. All i could think was why not me? I dont have nearly the obligations and not nearly the family. Well, we will see what happens. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 4th, 2007
4:47 am	Hmmm Fighting hard with my girl for the last couple of days. Over my video game time on CoH. She claims that 20 hours a week (including weekends) plus my five my 5 hour D&D game on friday night is too much. Keep in mind that she doesn't work full time and it is mostly nights when she does.She also works longer shifts on the weekends. Now, i have agreed to only play while she is at work, but sometimes my schedule overlaps hers and for anyone who has played CoH, 1 hour is barely enough time to get in, sell, and find a decent team and if your lucky run a mish right away. I really need to know from gamers and non gamers alike if this is too much time. She is working about 20-25 hours a week (I work full time) and she says that When she leaves nothing gets done in the house because I'm on my game. I would really like some input on what other people think about how much time is proper. ( Archmage and madeofmeat, if you read this i would appreciate maybe a re post on your site, you all have so many readers) Maybe I s Current Mood: cold (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 14th, 2006
11:28 am	ok...ok... You have got to be kidding. Let me start by saying that I drive a Honda Civic....little black one. Alright, now I realize to most full size trucks (ford, chevy, dodge) that my car is small. I get that there is a satisfaction to being one of the biggest vehicles on the road. But is it really necessary to cut off and intimidate the drivers of smaller cars? I myself have a truck ( a nissan frontier king cab 4x4, not the biggest but not a shit taker none the less) and don't find it necessary to be an ass when I drive. With my honda today i had 2 separate trucks dive into my lane, not merge, dive. No turn signal, no head check, just move and sneer. I mostly own a honda because of reliability and gas mileage. The last thing i need is some yahoo sneering at me like * gotcha* when he dives into my lane with his truck. While it WAS starting to irritate me, i realized that this was probably this mans only form of entertainment that day. He probably gets yelled at when he gets home for not taking out the garbage or something. Well, your the bigger man, you got your space on the highway and made sure small car drivers new you are the man by driving like an idiot and putting us all in fear for our lives because you are to ignorant to realize that a 7000 lb 4x4 doesn't handle like a sports car and your stopping distance is only beats a Big Rig. Kudos to you fuckstain...hope you don't kill anybody in your quest for Nascar gold on our highways. Current Mood: cold (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 13th, 2006
5:31 am	UGHHH Everything is pissing me off nowadays. Been under extreme financial stress and it is not going well for me Physically. I cannot get rid of my headache (1 week now) and my stomach is completely destroyed. I am not sure how much longer I will be able to take this without my heart just giving out. Yeah I know we all have been there, I have too. But this time it is different. It is breaking me down mentally emotionally and physically to the point of catastrophic failure on one of the 3 systems. It has gotten so bad I refuse to watch certain movies (World Trade Center for example) because I know it will provoke a serious emotional reaction, (either sadness or anger)and I am not sure I can handle anything else right now. Some days your the dog...some days your the hydrant. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 20th, 2006
7:01 pm	Ghia eulogy Today we had to go put my girls cat to sleep. To some that may not be much, to us it is devastating. Ghia has been in her life for over 15 years. He has been in mine for over 3. He was the coolest most lovable cat you ever could have asked for. My only complaint with him is that he always stole the covers at night and i would freeze. "How does a cat steal covers?" you ask. well, he was heavy enough that when he walked on them he would pull them off of you. He had the softest fur and when you would talk to him he would meow at you like he understood what you said."Hey, get down from that chair" followed by "meowr" then he would hop down. "Are you hungry, you want your dinner?" "meowrrrrr". You get the idea. As heartbroken as I am, Amber is even worse. She just cries and asks if we did the right thing. I tell her we did. We went to the vet on sat night an where there for almost 5 hours. A blood screen said that kidney function was low. With particular screen, the kidneys have to be failing almost 70% for the reading to even show up. We did the right thing. Just because it was right doesn't make it any easier. Attached are some photos of Ghia. Enjoy them and from them imagine how cool a cat he really was. This cat has lived more life than most people I know. He has been coast to coast. He has been lost at an airport. He has touched the lives of cat people and non-cat people as well. We had friends who came over just to say goodbye to our fatboy. Ghia was special to us and there will never be another like him. Current Mood: sad (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, June 16th, 2006
8:09 pm	in the end Why does all the good music come on in the evening? Listening to the radio in the dinner hour on most stations gives the best music. Maybe just because it is friday night...not sure. I'm on the road several hours a day and I can tell you that stations play 10 core songs over and over. It is just the same crap...recycled. Not really a top 40 guy, more of a mood guy and that is why radio isn't for me. Thought about satellite radio but seriously, pay for what is free...no. Is it better? I have heard it is but it is about priorities. Think about it, we pay for cable, internet, telephone, cell phone, gym membership (well some do...not me ;-0 ) going to the movies, games and various clubs and crafts. How much time do most people have? I would like to have time to do all of those things but I have to work and sleep. Hundreds of dollars a month just to have the option to do any of those things. Maybe that is not a big deal but I cannot justify it. I have to choose my addictions carefully and that is CoH. Gamers know what I'm talking about. That will be my new acquisition. That takes up all of my free time and I'm ok with that. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
9:32 pm	I really, really hate mornings I was so tired this morning that I responded to my earlier post. DUH! Had some cool customers at work today... busy day though. Farm raised ham for dinner MMM good. I wish the next door neighbor would just go away, car alarm ALWAYS GOES OFF!!!! idiot. Now I'm just starting to ramble. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 6th, 2006
8:51 pm	here I go I just started this live journal at 8:52. thanks to archmage for the chair (really retro comfy) and for getting me on live journal. Finished the last book of the spider queen series and it was good. The kind of good that makes you want to throw the book at the end and yell "is that it!?". all in all not to bad. well on to some video games. more later. (5 Comments |Comment on this)